Mein Kampf with Depression: 5 Ways you can help a depressed person

When deciding which area to cover next, it didn't take me long to realize what might be a helpful thing to discuss. When asked how I am, or how things are getting on for me, more often than not I struggle to answer that question. Partially, because it can be incredibly difficult to 

describe how I'm feeling, however I also don't want to burden the lives of the people around me by telling them my woes. How often am I asked this, and how often I must answer "not that great", is difficult for me. It is so tempting to simply lie and say that I'm fine. When I'm being honest, an oft heard response is often as follows, "how can I help? Can I do anything for you?" I'd like to address the people who who have found themselves wondering what on earth they can do to help their loved ones battle depression.

Here are 5 ways that can help someone with depression:

1. Remembering and accepting the fact that you can't save them

Much like the soon to be father standing at the side of his partner, who watches helplessly as the one he loves suffers through the pains of childbirth, without being able to grant the wish to relieve them from the pain - so it is with someone who has depression. As discussed in my other blog posts, depression is not only psychologically driven, but it is essential to remember that there are many physiological components at work, which other than medication and professional therapy, not much can be done to help in this way. Depending on the situation, it may take one person far longer to reach a point of functionality than another, and they are not to be compared. We are all different. You can't take away the darkness, you can't stop the pain, the storm isn't dictated by man, but we'd appreciate it if you could bring an umbrella and stand with us in the rain.

2. Direct and encourage them to get the correct help

Lets be honest, if I have a bogey in my nose that looks really nasty, and the person who I'm with doesn't point it out... I'm likely to be fairly ticked off! Offer me a tissue... If you don't have any, help me get to a place where I can sort out the problem. If you know or suspect that someone you know maybe suffering with depression, but has not yet sought help for whatever reason, talk to them about it. Express your concern and desire for them to be happy and cope better. It is hard for someone who is depressed to make those essential decisions, often we need our loved ones to tell us something we may or may not want to hear, but will be grateful for in the end. There is help and resources available, doctors, groups, counsellors, medication, hospitalisation, whatever stage the person is at, there is help available.

3. Tell them that you love them, and why

Depression is a great liar, and often makes me believe that in the end, my loved ones would be better off without me in their lives. Sure, they might be

sad at first, but over all they'd be happier if I wasn't there. This is a reoccurring thought to many who are depressed, and is a pattern of thinking that can be helped. When loved ones open up, it is difficult for that warmth to not touch someone struggling, miracles are wrought when speaking what's in your heart. I have been very touched by those in my life who have done this, and who continue to let me know that I matter, I am loved, I am nice to have around etc. I cannot stress this enough. The strength and desire one receives to carry on battling depression is just huge, when they know people love and care about them. 

4. Encourage them to treat themselves

I would feel guilty about doing anything for myself because it was "unproductive", or that I wasn't worthy of the happiness that comes from doing things I like to do, or even convincing myself that it was fruitless to try and have fun because nothing would change how I would feel.
Doing small things to treat ourselves is necessary to enjoy the sweet things in life, and will help with depression. I have recently decided to regularly go dancing again, as it is something that I genuinely take great joy in. If I feel like having a night where I just want to watch a couple of films on Netflix and eat ice-cream...totally fine.

5. Let them know that you're there for them

Often when socializing with others I can normally make it a few hours before I really start to struggle and my mood can take a nosedive. I worry that when I go quiet, the person I'm with may feel uncomfortable being around me, or think that they've upset me. It makes me feel like I'm just going to drive them away. It is so reassuring when friends have made it clear to me that we can hang out, even if neither one of us are saying anything, that's okay. When I feel like I can stop worrying that when my depressive spells kick in, and know that they are there for me anyway, it often makes me feel much more comfortable to be myself. This will always have a positive effect on a sufferer of depression.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, Comment and tell me what you think may be helpful! Or what has someone done to help you with depression or similar mental illnesses?